Okay confession: I am the evil auntie who feeds my nieces candy when no one is looking, encourages them to yell loudly indoors, and play with their food at the table. Don’t get me wrong, I love my sister and her family but I also love to do little things that get on their nerves. My sister is 3 ½ years older than me. Normally I wouldn’t make a distinction like a half a year but when it comes to my older sister, somehow this detail seems very important. I enjoy spending time with her family. My nieces are adorable. They take evil commands like naturals. And my brother-in-law, well, I love him like a brother and by that I mean I take every opportunity to piss him off...err, I mean tease him, you know like a real sibling.
Whenever my sister and her husband have house guests, her husband insists that everyone use paper plates and plastic cups. This totally goes against my green nature. I have been known to stash away olds newspapers from their house just to take home with me on the plane and recycle back in Wisconsin. He claims they don’t want to dirty too many dishes because water costs too much in Las Vegas. He would rather create a mountain of trash than wash a few dishes. This morning he found me rinsing out my plastic cup after I drank my morning cup of milk. I knew this was going to be a problem. And I was secretly happy that he had caught me in mid rinse. “Are you reusing your cup?!? That is gross!” he said with absolute disgust. He proceeded to tell me he was going to throw it out when I wasn’t looking. In return, I said I would start hiding my cup in my room. This argument went on for a few minutes. Now I can admit that it is absolutely ridiculous and we both have our own points. I know I should obey their rules while in their house, but I just can’t. I think next time I will stash my own plastic cups, knives, forks and paper plates in my room to reuse for each meal. Or better yet, maybe I will bring my own dishes from home and some bottled water for washing, just to see his reaction.
Last time I paid them a visit, I bought my 2 year old niece a toy drum with a tambourine and triangle. I did this because I love her and I like to see her happy. But it was an added bonus that it would piss off my brother-in-law when he is tries to sleep. I encouraged her to bang on her drum as loud as she could. Although she didn’t take to it as well as I had hoped, it still served its purpose.
Any time I am out shopping for gifts for my nieces, I think first of what they would like, and then what would make their parents the most uncomfortable. When my second niece was born, I bought her a onesie from Hot Topic. For those unfamiliar with this store, let’s just say I could have also purchased some blue hair dye, some random band patches for her jacket, and a new piercing for her. The onesie was black with an unraveling mummy. It said, “I want my mummy.” I thought it was hilarious. And it totally went against my sister’s theme of pink princesses. I laughed when on the last day of my visit they finally and reluctantly put it on her. On a previous visit, I had abided by the pink preference. This time I purchased my niece a plaid pink skirt and matching pink shirt, with a skull on it. She may have only been allowed to wear that outfit once: the day I put it on her.
Friday is niece number two’s birthday. I decided to visit them for this occasion and to see their latest addition, my third niece, Fiona who was born just 3 months ago. I haven’t yet decided what I am going to get Marissa for her birthday, but after our little clash today over the disposable dishes, I’m starting to wonder, how old does a toddler need to be to be before they can take painting classes?
